This and That

(I started this post almost a month ago, but at least I finally published it so you know I'm still alive.)

1.  This is my busiest time of year - especially the month of February.  Those of you who have followed me for a while know my posts get fewer and fewer during tax season, but I promise to be back on a regular basis sometime soon.

2.  Everyone around here is talking about this "new" singer Adele who won so many Grammy Awards the other night.  I've been a fan of her for years, and "Chasing Pavements" is still one of my favorites from her repertoire:



It's a shame that the death of Whitney Houston pushed Adele out of her well-deserved spotlight. No wonder she raised a finger in protest a few days later.

3.  And that begs a question: Why does the media go into overdrive when an entertainer with a very public drug problem leaves this world.  There is rarely day after day, week after week of coverage when an entertainer who lived a clean, decent, good life dies.  Personally I am sick of this elevation of troubled souls into hero status.  The media is always more interested in covering stories of those who are weak and have no self-restraint than those who value life and avoid self-destruction.

4.The winners of the four top acting Academy Awards were an interesting group:  two were over 60, one a plus-size minority, and an average looking French dude. It was refreshing to see that perhaps awards were finally being given for great performances of normal looking-people and not for plastic Barbies and Kens.

It's Faux Real

I've been thinking recently about how people today are embracing fake as the norm. 
We all know people with fake body parts:

Breasts -Nature didn't give that many women 38Ds
Hair - Oh, please. Everyone over 50 has grey hair. Not everyone has long thick hair. Some don't have any.
Teeth - Real teeth don't glow in the dark.

Eyelashes - Even the thickest natural lashes don't project 2 inches from the face

Nails - Real fingernails don't look like claws

Tans - Leather skin is only in fashion in Florida

Eyes - Cat eye contacts belong in cats, not humans

Generally they are found on fake people with fake smiles who are fake friends.

Houses have also become fake. Hardwood floors are now made of plastic.  So are fancy stair railings and fences. And Roman/Greek columns are now made of aluminum.  Shake and slate shingles are now fiberglass.  There's fake brick that needs no mortar. The homes are protected by fake security cameras. 

The houses are filled with people watching fake wrestling on television while surrounded by fake plants and fake flowers, fake Christmas trees, fake fireplaces, fake fur, fake diamonds, and fake orgasms.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. — Sharon Stone

Food is also becoming fake.  There's fake sugar, fake fat, fake cheese, fake soda pop.

I mean those patented substances chemically flavored and mechanically bulked out to kill the appetite and deceive the gut — is unnatural, almost immoral, a bane to good eating and good cooking. — Julia Child

Let's not forget fake i.d.s, fake designer items, fake tattoos, fake photos, fake checks, fake money.


Even our language is embracing this phenomena:

"It's like kind of  a big deal." 

"Like it's totally awesome." 

 

Yeah it's not awesome, just like it.

ABC Reporter Bill Weir came up with other excuses for use of the word "like."  (I couldn't embed it in this post so you'll need to follow this link.)  It's like a news report, but isn't real because it's full of fake punches in the face.

Yes indeed, we can even say that there is fake news reporting...unless you're one of those who think The Onion is real news.

My childhood was spent with real men and women with real bodies.  We lived in a real house with real wood floors and real flowers and ate real food. We spoke proper English.

But all that's like history now.

On the road this week

1.  If you want to turn right from the left lane, it might be a good idea to at least use your turn signal so I can anticipate slamming on my brakes.
2.  If you're in front of me, you want to turn left, and you turn your left signal on,  please don't pass 11 intersections and travel 4 miles before you finally decide to make the turn.

3.  If you suddenly come up behind me from out of nowhere and then ride my bumper for several miles, even though there were plenty of opportunities to pass me, I don't even need to confirm that you are talking on your cell phone.

4.  If you have a cup of coffee in one hand and you're applying mascara to your eyelashes with the other hand, I hope you have auto-pilot in your car or a third arm.

Metal Mouth

Aluminum foil was first developed at the beginning of the 20th century, with early commercial uses as bands for indentifying racing pigeons and later as packaging for LifeSavers candy.

My mother tells me that after WWII, aluminum foil became the hottest item every homemaker wanted and used in her kitchen.  So popular, that for one of the local women's clubs luncheons, she and her table decor committee covered bread loaf pans with aluminum foil (for the sparkle effect) and filled them with fresh flowers, causing  resounding oooo's and aaaaaaah's.  This was also about the time that aluminum trays were designed and frozen dinners became another must-have household item.  Aluminum became an American household institution.

I have a love/hate relationship with aluminum foil.  I, too, have used it for reasons other than cooking and storage purposes. I've made crowns and stars by covering carboard with the stuff.  I've put it on the end of an antenna to get better TV reception and wadded it into balls for cat toys. I have even made little frilly aluminum leggings for a crown roast of pork. 

What I don't like about aluminum foil is eating it or eating from it. 

Many restaurants purchase bulk potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil.  There is no question that Idaho or sweet potatoes are tastier when roasted in the foil.  But, invariably, the restaurants will never take the time to remove the foil before serving them. Even worse, the cook will slice the potato open while the foil is still on it, delivering slivers of aluminum into the potato opening to be found only after taking one's first bite.

Now an American restaurant chain, Cracker Barrel, is serving dinners in foil to their customers.

No thanks. If I'm dining out, I want real plates. And if I want heavy metal, I'll go to a concert.

It's too darn hot

It's not even Memorial Day and the temperatures have been over 90 the past three days. The humidity has become a suffocating wet wool blanket.  Those proclaiming this is great weather are generally those who work in air-conditioning or lie half-naked in the baking sun, expending no more energy than to lift a cool, refreshing beverage to their lips.

I spent several hours Sunday evening cooking brats over a hot charcoal fire for a fund-raiser for a local charitable organization.  No complaints here since I volunteered for the job, but usually the May event is a pleasant 70 degree evening, not 90 degrees.  I was soaked by the time I got home.

I'm a cool weather person; perhaps it's my Scandinavian genes, I hate summer and it's only beginning.

Friday pondering

Is it theft when an unknown party takes items from a pile of electronics left near the street curbing intended for a specific recycling company?

Here's the back story: Our small rural community has never had an electronics recycling day.  Larger towns in the area have special days for this, but theirs are often limited to residents of their own cities or we have to drag our items a distance of 25 miles or more to participate.

So I encouraged a local non-profit group to sponsor one in conjunction with our community clean-up, spruce-up week.  We had a very difficult time finding any recyclers willing to do this in a small town, but finally one agreed.  To encourage recycling and make it easy for residents, we arranged curb-side pickup. To help finance the effort, we charged a small donation for TVs based upon size.  Pickup of all other electronic items was free. Names and addresses requesting pickup were registered.

And so, one or more unknown people cherry-picked the items left near the curbs all over town before the recycling company arrived. Even items specifically flagged with red forms from the non-profit organization were taken. The recycling company was left with half the items originally registered, mostly pure junk, and the largest bulky TVs that couldn't be quickly and easily thrown into the trunk of a car. 

As a result, there probably won't be future electronics recycling days in our small town because a few bad apples have made it unprofitable for a recycling company to return.

Yes, it was theft from the recycling company and theft of any future recycling days for our residents.

A bit of advice to nursing home staff

Not every 98 year old suffers from dementia. This one still does the daily Cryptoquote, even with pneumonia., so please don't be condescending and treat him like a child by greeting him with "What's your favorite color?"

The Audacity of Clergy

An elderly relative of mine has been in the hospital and after missing church two Sundays in a row, the minister stopped by my home and inquired about the relative.  I explained that he is in the hospital, in isolation, due to his on-going compromised immune system that is currently battling three illnesses at once, including influenza and pneumonia. I explained that visitors were not allowed, that the patient could not reach the phone if called, and even I had not been in the room to visit.  A card would be much appreciated if the minister wished to express any get well wishes.  The minister said she would be at the hospital the next day and she would drop off a card at the nurses station.  Again, I reinterated that the doctors, patient, and family all did not want any visitors in the room, exposing the patient to additional germs that he cannot fight.

And so the "messenger of God", with higher authority than doctors, hospital, patient, and family, ignores all requests and barges right into the patient's room, personally hands him a card, and asks if it's ok to put him on the church prayer list. Apparently God is not understanding or courteous of others. Or perhaps the messenger simply wished to hasten the end of the patient's life so she could get paid for a funeral. The economy is bad, you know.

A number of years ago, a friend was in the hospital for the birth of a child.  She was surprised by the unannounced, uninvited visit by a priest, who walked right into her room with a NO VISITORS sign on the door while she was topless, hooked up to a breast pump.  Fortunately, my friend wasn't as kind as my elderly relative was to his minister, and she yelled some obscenities to that priest that I'm sure could be heard beyond the heavens.

Even when punched, these preachers don't seem to get the message that they are the ones who are to blame.

My biggest time waster - other people

The person who emailed me numerous times for the email addresses of the others in our organization: If you would just look at the top of every single one of my emails to you in the "To:" box you will see everyone's email address. Please copy and paste in your own address book and quit bothering me to send you a list.

The person who wants to be reminded of our meetings: We meet every month/quarter at the same place, at the same time, and on the same day of the month (i.e. second Monday). Either mark your calendar, put an alarm on your digital calendar, or slap a post-it note on your face to help you remember. You're an adult and I am not your mother.

The uninformed: Don't waste other people's time at meetings asking for explanations on issues that were discussed previously at the past several meetings which you neglected to attend. You had been given copies of all minutes and reports for those meetings. All your questions would have been answered had you read the reports that we spent time writing and distributing.

The accuser: Again, if you had read all the reports given to you prior to the meeting or listened at the meetings, you would know that all those things you are just now questioning were done months ago.

The appointment absentee: I have a very busy schedule, but I make time for my appointments. You could at least call and tell me you're not coming or at the very least, call and apologize later in the day. I have other clients more important and courteous than you who deserve that time.

The convenience store customer: Must you take the time to use a debit card for a $1.50 coffee when there is a line of seven people behind you who are hurrying to get to work.

Don't know whatcha got til it's gone

Some of my clients often complained about their jobs at a local manufacturing plant. None of their complaints were life-threatening, but just wishing they could "take this job and shove it" because working somewhere else always looked just a bit better.

I always reminded them of the excellent pay they were getting compared to other area jobs and the fantastic retirement and health plans provided to them, despite some increases in deductibles and changes in retirement payouts. I told them they actually had it pretty good and those benefits might outweigh the daily grind of a typical factory job. Truth be told, I was actually a bit jealous, being a sole-proprietor business owner without employer paid health coverage and matching 401k plan.

I'm not sure they believed me, until one day this summer the plant closed, and the jobs and benefits were gone. All of a sudden that crappy place to work looked pretty darn good.

Jobs, like friends and relatives, are often taken for granted. We never realize how important they are to us until they've disappeared. The one good thing about this recession is that appreciation of what is really important is being brought back into focus.

Stop the War

Oh, I forgot. The Obama Administration has proclaimed that there is no longer a War on Drugs. Everything is pretty much the same; they're just going to avoid using that phrase.

More and more law enforcement people are waking up to a fact that we libertarians have always known: the war on drugs is useless and expensive and drugs should be legalized.

Harry Browne, the Libertarian presidential candidate of 2000, preached this message , but few voters were intelligent enough to listen to reason. If you want a brief history of drugs in America, read his excellent article here.

There may drug addicts

but there are also drug funding addictsBoth groups illustrate a lack of restraint and both groups prove the war on drugs is not working.

Sunday Supplement Mentality

Years ago a friend used that title phrase referring to people who garner most of their knowledge from those Sunday news inserts that are filled with celebrity interviews, recipes, question and answer columns, and other mostly useless information, interspersed among ads for the latest Elvis doll, collectible plates, and custom bank checks.

I stole that phrase and have used it often, so it is a bit difficult for me to admit that indeed I, too, read the Sunday supplement, but only Marilyn vos Savant's column in Parade, generally filled with puzzles, logic problems, and science. This week the following question appeared:

"My wife and I have lost more than a third of our life savings in the stock we set aside for our retirement. How can our hard-earned dollars given to a company for a share of stock just disappear? Where is the money now?"

Her response was quite civil and educational. My response was



What the heck are you doing investing in the stock market if you have to ask that question? May I suggest this book?

My investment advice: Don't invest your life savings in anything you don't understand or are unwilling to do so.

Today's riddle and rant

How, after years of extolling the sanctity of marriage, can an elderly pious church pastor reconcile "living in sin" with his new lady partner for the simple reason of retaining her entitlements (i.e. social security, pensions, etc) that would be lost if they formally married? .

He thinks a Unity Ceremony is the answer. Of course, a marriage of God but not of the law. He can have it both ways. Ministers are so good at worming their way around their sanctimonious preachings to others. Apparently his former morality issues have been displaced by the evil forces of money and greed.

Yet that was never an option in the eyes of his church if his parishioners behaved exactly the same way. They would burn in hell for their indiscretions.

Televangelists and small town preachers, this is just another example of the hypocrisy of organized religion that fuels the skepticism of me and other non-believers.

Presentation is the key

Facebook is learning the hard way never to argue with new mothers. The raging hormone levels continue long after birth and there's no way to combat women in heat.

Yes, nursing a baby is not porn and is a natural part of life. After all, the mammary glands were designed primarily for that purpose and not simply for entertaining the opposite sex.

Defecation, urination, flatulence, belching, and having sexual intercourse are also natural parts of life, but civilized societies have learned to instill some modesty when it comes to those innate actions.

Exposing or posting a picture in public of one's nipple, regardless if a baby or adult mouth is near it, is a repugnant act to anyone with any sense of gentility. When breasts are presented with an in-your-face attitude at a social gathering (cyber or live), it is pornographic and is best left to the privacy of the bedroom.

There is something beautiful about a mother nursing a newborn, but it is most seraphic when it is done discretely, quietly, and intimately, and not made a public spectacle on a social networking site.

Washing away the sins of youth

A group of high school teenagers was happily washing windows of the stores in the downtown business district. Most of the kids were from good families and seemed to be enjoying both the work and the camaraderie. Owners of those establishments, including myself, were caught off guard with this generosity. Many of us offered them some compensation for their work, but they refused. The business community was abuzz about the fine young people we have in our community.

By happenstance, I discovered the truth weeks later. All of these kids were in a required community service program through the county probation diversion program. All had been drunk and arrested while attending an under-aged party out in the country. If they performed community service, charges would be expunged from their records.

Yesterday, I attended an event in which a county probation officer, explained the diversion and Restorative Justice programs the county offers to juveniles and adults. It was explained that these programs are highly successful and that the recidivism rate in our county is only 21% after one year of completing the program. The probation officer emphasized the word "shame" as a large contribution to the success rate. Doing community service and facing your victims in private controlled confrontations supposedly "shame" the perpetrators into being sorry.

Skeptic that I am, I questioned some of the statistics and the public "shame." First of all, these programs are voluntary, meaning the perpetrators can opt out and go straight to court taking their chances with a good attorney, so the success rate might be skewed because you have willing participants, some who may be genuinely sorry in the first place.

Secondly, I questioned the "shame" put upon these perpetrators. I sighted the above example in this post. The downtown business people certainly saw no guilt in those teens washing windows; they were having a great time. In fact, they were admired by those observing them. They were not humiliatingly marked with a scarlet letter telling the public they were bad boys, and I certainly did not see a probation officer in the vicinity as they were working. Perhaps he was hiding.

In the Restorative Justice program, the meeting between perpetrators and victims is closed to all outsiders, except a mediator and several other community members. Nothing decided in that meeting is made public. The "shame" only occurs if the perpetrator later happens to meet the victim or those other community members elsewhere. There is no real public shame.

The speaker mentioned that several 13-14 year olds recently went on a vandalism crime spree and were facing 5 felony counts. They went through the Restorative Justice program so now they have no criminal record. The victims have been compensated. Although a perpetrator can go through a county Restorative Justice program only once, there is no database, so if he commits a crime in another county he might receive another get out of jail free card. If the family moves often enough, a 13 year old could commit numerous felonies and not ever have a record by the time he's 18.

The proponents of these programs overlook a couple of things in my opinion:

Monetary or service compensation does not put a victim back into the same emotional position as before the crime. Fear, mistrust, and stress cannot necessarily be resolved through compensation. So the program doesn't help the victim emotionally any more than a trial.

Shame should be more public and it will have greater effect. Shame should not be vague and misunderstood. It should be blatant.

Bring back rugged individualism

"To be nobody but yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." e e cummings

Experts often proclaim that one of the problems with today's children is that they succumb to peer pressure. They want to be like everyone else and they are chastised and bullied if they aren't.

But you can't blame the kids. Society is no longer elevating the individual. Parents are to blame because they want their child to be like everyone else - just as smart, popular, well-dressed as John Smith's kid. Have you notice how so many teen-age girls look exactly alike? And of course, every kid is a winner and they've got awards to prove it.

Educators are to blame because they want to make their jobs easier by teaching standardized syllabus to a uniform group of children, without regard to boredom, challenges and intellect, to reach standardized test standards. Even businesses now practice "team building", encouraging employees to be part of a group, because now it seems the "best" ideas come from a committee approach.

Not so long ago in the rebellious 1960's , most of the teens and college-aged kids were preaching and acting non-conformist. Everyone rebelled from the status quo. But when these same people reached adulthood and began raising their own children, individuality went out the window and conformity became the new standard.

It used to be Americans held the individual in high esteem. Every person being considered unique and special. Individual (adj.) individuals (n.). Now it seems to be cool to be homogenized.

When one doesn't conform, he becomes infinitely more interesting. I personally like people who are a bit peculiar, who aren't afraid to stand out or away from the crowd, and are not ashamed of being who they really are. They have inner strength, self-esteen, and resolve that is almost unknown in the conventional circles.

If you think of some of the most memorable real and even fictional characters in your life, I'll bet they were the individualists, the so-called kooks, the out-of-the box thinkers and creative doers. The bland masses never survive tales of the past.

If peer pressure is such a big problem with today's kids, perhaps parents should start encouraging their children to be non-conformists and teach them to love themselves for who they were born to be. Then there would be no peer pressure problem because the kids wouldn't want to be like everyone else and would be perfectly content as the unique individuals they really are.

They should be committed!

I just attended a board meeting of a non-profit organization of which I am a member. Of the eight board members, only 2 showed up. Some made excuses, but most just didn't. Those who did make excuses appear to have had the day off because of Veterans Day, but none were veterans and were not attending any kind of Veterans memorial services. My guess is they were out shopping. We have monthly hour-long meetings, the same time and place each and every month, yet members have no qualms of scheduling other matters at that time or offering excuses that they forgot. Most months only half the board attends; some members have only attended a handful of meetings this year. They volunteered for the job. Perhaps only for the additional mention on their resume.

Over the course of my lifetime, I have served as a volunteer on numerous boards, groups, and committees. It seems in recent years that there is a trend of what I determine to be commitment phobia that has grown to outrageous proportions.

Last year I didn't rejoin the local Rotary club because I was tired of attending meetings where people who were in charge of the meeting program either didn't book a program, didn't give a program themselves, or didn't even bother to show up. Each member is responsible for only 1 or 2 programs per year. Yet only about 25% actually fulfilled their commitment to do so. Once, out of seven consecutive meetings, there was only one program.

A few years ago, several of us started a gourmet club to fill a desire for fine food, without going out of town and to provide an easy way to entertain. Dinners were scheduled the 3rd weekend of every other month. Before long, some people didn't show, resulting in menu shuffling, location shuffling, and resetting tables. They often acted as if the date of the gourmet club was a complete surprise and they had already scheduled another activity. Again dates were fixed in advance so I don't buy that excuse.

I don't understand the mentality of people who give their word to do something and don't follow through, especially in voluntary situations. A death or illness is excusable. Just not wanting to come is not. Why don't they just say no or don't volunteer in the first place? It is much easier to operate an organization or social event with people who really want to be there.

How hard is it to put an event on a calendar and be committed to attend?

It's that time of year again.

Last year I was writing a humor column for the local newspaper. Most readers really enjoyed the column. But then I wrote about Christmas sweaters and I was practically run out of town by a group of old ladies, calling me mean-spirited and unpatriotic. I was told by one woman that I should respect my elders (in fact, she herself is several years younger than I and I certainly have more gray hairs than she). When they started showing up at my office, I finally decided that perhaps the local public forum was not as appreciative of my sense of humor as my blog readers were. Besides, it's much too easy to track you down in a town of 4800 people.

In honor of the first anniversary of that momentous occasion, I repeat the column here:

It's now the most awful time of the year when women, especially gray-haired ones or
teachers, dust off the moth balls and start wearing those creepy 3-dimensional Christmas sweaters. Those bulky knits generally feature a Santa Claus ho-ho-ho-ing or a festively
decorated Christmas tree in bold colors of red, white and green, that are bright enough to
stop traffic on a rainy day. And similar to traffic signals, some of these cardigans even
have blinking lights!

This year I noticed one catalog offering an “authentic” Christmas sweater with an
almost life-sized nativity scene depicted on front and back. It only comes in extra-large.
It’s for the woman who wants to put the true meaning back into Christmas.

These ladies can spend $150 for one from Talbots or $11.99 for one from Walmart; it
makes little difference. No matter how much was spent, not a single woman looks good
in one of those things. Not a married woman either.

And, why do they always seem to buy them one size larger than necessary? These
same women will complain that they look fat in anything else, but have no such
hesitation when it comes to these over sized fashion statements. Where are the fashion
police when we need them?

What is scary is that these sweaters are creeping into other holidays like Valentine’s
Day, Easter, the 4th of July, and Halloween. Now women can look like engorged red
hearts, bloated white Easter bunnies, gigantic waving flags, or round orange jack-o-
lanterns. Please don’t tell me someone has designed a bulky cardigan with a 3-
dimensional cross to reflect the true meaning of Easter.The only thing that looks good in these sweaters is a dog or cat. But even then, many
pets sport an embarrassing look when seen in public while wearing one of them. Have
you ever seen a dog or cat that didn’t hunker down a bit after its master put one of these holiday sweaters on him?

Christmas sweaters have gained such a reputation that there are now Ugly Christmas
Sweater Parties. Attendees are generally adults in their 30’s who arrive at the parties
wearing the sweaters as costumes, award prizes for the ugliest, and then proceed to drink
away their nightmare visions of the other party-goers’ garbs.

Perhaps the demand from these young adults will eventually catapult the Christmas
sweater into the status of a “collectible.” The next thing you know, we’ll be watching
“Antiques Roadshow” and one of the appraisers will say that Grandma’s ugly Christmas
sweater is now worth $25,000.

Until then, I’m forgoing the purchase of one of these sweaters and investing my
money elsewhere.

Sex Ed

I have always assumed that every woman has been sexually accosted and/or harassed, in some way or other, at some point in her life. Not a pretty fact, but a disgusting part of life when the world is filled with some men who just think with the wrong head.

I am not talking about headline type incidents. I'm speaking of those smaller private events that happen to throw you off guard in the normal course of going about your daily business. I'm sure every woman has at least one story. Below is a sampling from my own life:

late teens
During a casual, unprovoked, unprovocative conversation, a former college star basketball player intentionally poured a pitcher of beer down the front of my white shirt hoping for a peep show

20's
As I crossed through a crowded room, a male grabbed me in the crouch when I passed him


Someone I had known for years and dated for a few months wanted me to have sex with him. I said no - numerous times. He pinned me to the wall and did it anyway.

30's
When I went into the storage room of my office on a Saturday, the janitor grabbed my breasts with both hands

40's
As we walked down the hill from the Parthenon in Greece, a man grinned at my friend and me and then he furiously masturbated and flung his seed in a 5 foot semi-circle around him

Here's how I handled the situations. You'll have to figure out which reaction fits which occurrence:

I laughed.
I cried.
I walked away.
I told him he'd be fired if he ever did that again.
I grabbed his balls and gave a twist.

I should not have taken matters into my own hands. I should have reported the incidents to authorities.

These types of incidents in my life have been waning in recent years. Is it that these kinds of men are finally getting it because of all the media attention, HR education, and pressure from women's groups? Or is it simply that wrinkles offer some protection?

Addendum: I previously posted about an experience in my 50's: Tattle Tale

Mixed (up) Media

My annoyances with the media reached a new height this week:

1. Network news reporter: "There was less military troops..."

2. Local tv news reporter: "Now...now....now...now...now..." 20 times in 45 seconds

3. Local tv news anchor another station: "Stu-dents (accent on 2nd syllable) are going back to school." The #1 area news anchor still hasn't learned how to speak correctly.

4. Local commercial for monument company: " They are kno-wen for..."

5. Local area newspaper featuring retirement of local official: information wrong in three different paragraphs

Where are these people getting their media college degrees? Someone needs to teach them how to speak correct English and to get their facts straight.