Tuesday Titillation

There are vibrating hammers, but getting hammered by a vibrator is a whole different thing.

An Illinois woman has a few drinks at a restaurant called Joe's Crab Shack and allegedly skipped out on the bill.  The report didn't indicate if she had crabs or not.

A police investigator was called to the scene and found the woman lying nearby in the grass apparently intoxicated.  She didn't have any money with her so the investigator accompanied the woman to her apartment.  When she reached into her drawer to get her money for the unpaid bill, she instead pulled out a " clear, rigid, feminine pleasure device" and tried to assult the police officer with it.

"She was charged with aggravated assault against an officer, a misdemeanor.  Bildsten was also charged with theft of labor or services for walking out on the Crab Shack bill, Patrick said. She was also charged being under the influence while walking on public roadways."

Jeez, what's a girl to do? It's illegal to drive OR walk when drunk.

As a result of this new repurposing of  pleasure devices, and due to Illinois concealed carry laws, all women in the state are banned from carrying their vibrators in their purses for protection unless the batteries have been removed and stored elsewhere.