Wacky Wednesday Wisdom - Happy Thanksgiving

"Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt." ~ Roseanne Barr

 

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom - The Cruise Ship for the Elderly

"I'd rather rot on my own floor than be found by a bunch of bingo players in a nursing home.”       Florence King

I really don't agree with that statement.  I've been spending a great deal of time visiting a nursing home lately.  We have three of them in our small community of 4600.  There seems to be a never-ending supply of elderly here.

I have often compared nursing homes to cruise ships. 

You have a lovely cabin with a view. 

You dine with the other passengers in the dining room, or you can choose to dine alone in your room if you prefer.

 You can participate in a variety of physical activities. 

There are excursions to other destinations for food, entertainment, and festivals,

while at the same time you make many new friends.

The staff is always courteous and ready to assist you

even if you're vomiting or suffering from Montezuma's Revenge.

Each time you pull into port to take a little break from all the fun, a family member is there waiting with a hug. (And shame on those who are not.)

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

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Wacky Wednesday Wisdom - March Madness

"The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play "Drop the Handkerchief." ~ James Naismith

Ah, Drop the Handkerchief - an antiquated childhood game that disappeared when hankies went out of style because girls quit crying when they were finally allowed to play on the basketball court, not just lead cheers.

There's a central Illinois college student promoting himself for the NCAA Dunk Contest. Rather impressive dunking.  Here's his YouTube video:

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

Celebrating 125th anniversary of ground hog predictions!

"This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat."

            Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day.

(Official ground hog idol)

"This is one time where televison REALLY fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather. I for one am very grateful to have been here."  Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day.

Around here, we call them Woodchucks.

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."

Paul Newman, born 1/26/1925
 (For some reason I'm stuck in 1925 this week.)

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

"I love Thanksgiving turkey...it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Which part of the turkey is your favorite?

Do you like breasts?

What about legs?

 

Perhaps you're a wing man.

 

 

The meatiest and juiciest parts are the thighs.

 
 

 

Then there are all those other parts.

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

Cathy Lee Guisewite

Just another American justification for eating fat and calorie-laden monster foods:

How about a giant Big Top Cupcake?



Try this cake with a whole apple pie and a pumpki pie baked into it:

.
Here's the Cherpumple version:



And if that isn't enough, check out The Daily Beast's 40 Desserts That Can Kill You.  All available at your nearest favorite chain restaurant.



Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

"Divorce is a game played by lawyers. "

Cary Grant

This attorney cuts to the chase including the words hate, hell-hole, poison, boob, vermin, and piece of crap:



If you're worried about divorce attorney fees, this entrepreneur just started a company that sells divorce insurance, called Wedlcok.

"For $16 per month – or what the company (called Safeguard Guaranty Corp.) is calling a single "unit" of coverage" – you may receive for $1,250 in benefits. You can buy additional units at the same price, on up to 200 units, or $250,000 of coverage. As long as you continue paying the premiums, the company adds $250 of coverage every year.
You'll have to celebrate at least your fourth anniversary with your sweetie in order to cash in, because that's when the policies mature. If you're Elizabeth Taylor or just seriously pessimistic, you can include a rider for what's called an accelerated maturity, which reduces the period to three years months. That will hike your monthly premium to $30 per unit"

Use their handy Divorce Cost Calculator  to estimate what the cost might be for your lawyer's hand-holding.  They also have a quiz on Divorce Probability

"... but mostly it boils down to this: if you didn't finish college and got married before age 21 to someone of a different race and religion, the odds of a long and happy marriage are not in your favor."

Worried about a divorce and divorce lawyers?  Get a pre-nup agreement or just don't get married. If it's too late for that, you'd better hand over the debit card to them,  or even better yet, save some money and reconsider.

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.  ~Author Unknown

They will talk about you later:

"I had a patient who had an overwhelming desire to eat phone books. Not all in one piece but page by page until it was all in. He was always coming in with bowel obstructions."


"The lady started to move uncomfortable on the bed so the nurse pulled her over to see if she needed cleaned up; well, it wasn't BM that was "smiling" at her, but the woman's upper denture!  She evidently had it stuffed almost all the way in!"



"A guy was brought in from a local disco club. Seems he had danced around so much that he passed out. When he came in, he had on those skin tight PVC pants and the "bulge" was huge. The pants were so tight that they had to be cut off him.( He was still unconscious at this point.) After cutting the pants off, we discovered what the huge bulge really was!! He had taped an Italian sausage to his thigh!!!! "

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

"Never buy cereal without a coupon, and only when it is on sale."
                                           Catch Her in the Wry

The truth is I don't often eat dry cereal.  It is generally soaked with sugar or otherwise tastes like cardboard or sometimes like cardboard with sugar on it. When there are children or a cereal-loving spouse in the household, however, one is forced to add boxed cereal to the grocery list.

The stuff is just so dang expensive.  So stockpiling it when it is on sale and using discount coupons is the only way I can justify the expenditure.  There is not much worry about spoilage since box cereals seem to have a long, long shelf life.

As a youngster, I did eat cereal and my favorite was eating directly out of a small box, generally  from a "variety pack" which satisfied all the assorted preferences of the family.  The box was perforated and the diner could open flaps, pour milk in over the cereal, and eat right from the box.  No messy dishes for Mom. Modern packaging has shifted eating from a box to eating from a cup.

The secret weapon of a good mother to keep small children occupied is a handful of Cheerios, which is probably why it tops the most popular cereal lists every year.

The only way I really crave cereal is if there is a bowl of homemade Chex Party Mix, not the commercial bagged kind that tastes like chemicals.  Adding melted butter, Worcestershire sauce, nuts, pretzels, garlic and other seasonings to three kinds of boxed cereals and baking it all in the oven transforms the cardboard morsels into heavenly snack food that can be entirely consumed in a blink of an eye, with all the wheat chex eaten first.

You just may not want to kiss me in the morning.

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom - #3

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."    Albert Einstein

And it's dangerous according to this report.  Perhaps it would be better to pull over to the side of the road and give the kiss the attention it deserves.

The top five make-out vehicles for 2010 are:
1.  2010 Chevrolet Impala
2.  2010 Ford Mustang
3.  2010 Toyota Prius
4.  2010 Mercedes-Benz
5.  2010 Ford 150 Pickup

 Here are some instructions courtesy of eHow on how to do it right.

Visual instructions about proper kissing come from some Hollywood films:

After watching that, you've now graduated to being a professional.

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

"Underwear makes me uncomfortable and besides my parts have to breathe.”   Jean Harlow

Jean Harlow didn't like to wear underwear, not unlike many of today's movie stars.  She would have given Britney Spears a run for the money when it came to raucous, outrageous behavior. She died at age 26.   Here's a  link to a brief and interesting biography of Harlow.

Just in my lifetime, women's lingerie has undergone significant changes.  As a child of the 1950's and 1960's even I had to wear garter belts or girdles to support my stockings for junior high and high school dances.

A lady never wore a dress without a slip underneath to avoid any embarrassment of the transparency of one's skirt. 

As a young girl I had a beautiful multi-layer rainbow colored ruffled petticoat that kept my skirt sticking out at 45+ degree angles and was visible at the tips when I was seated.

Panties were the basic full coverage from waist to thigh bone and, if you were a lucky girl, were embroidered with the name of each day of the week. Cotton was for girls and when you became a woman you got to wear nylon panties.

The best thing about the 1960's was women started throwing away their restraining bras and girdles, as they threw out other conventions, and in response the lingerie manufacturers began redesigning underwear for comfort. Pantyhose replaced girdles and stockings, and Lycra and microfibers replaced latex rubber.

That is, until the thong became popular.  For years women did their best to keep their big panties from creeping into a wad between their butt cheeks, then low and behold, it became fashionable to stuff the material in there to begin with and not worry about it the rest of the day. Getting your knickers in a knot became voluntary.

Apparently women are getting tired of the strap in the crack.  The latest trend now is that granny panties are coming back, due mostly in part to the popularity of the Mad Men television series.

Granny panties are certainly more comfortable and the new fabrics help deter them from working their way to the space between the cheeks. But like all clothing, it doesn't make much difference what's on the outside, it's the person on the inside that counts.

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes


Some workaholics don't know how to do nothing, but Wikihow has the answers.

If you need nothing, you can get some here.

You can even watch Nothing: "We can't be dead, we have cable."



Discover magazine has 20 Things You Didn't Know about Nothing including "something is mostly nothing."

Buddha insists you should believe nothing:

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. "

However, nothing compares to you.



I'm not a "do-nothing type of gal" or an "all or nothing person". I prefer Something.



And that is nothing but the truth, but does that make me nothing special?

 I simply have nothing left to say.