Tuesday Titillation

The woman who appears in this commercial has been banned from her church until the ad goes off the air.  Apparently the church has no sense of humor.  She took the job for the money. "My Visa was calling out for mercy," she said.

Music Monday

Because Bob Dylan was in our area this past weekend and I prefer others singing his songs:

Sunday Stealing Meme

From Sunday Stealing:

1. Have you turned the heat on in your house yet this fall?
Turned it on, turned it off, turned it on, turned it off, turned it on, turned it off. It probably will be turned back on the end of the week.

2. Do you allow your pets on the furniture?
only heavy pet-ting

3. What were your final words for September?
Good riddance, 90 degree weather

4. What are your first words for October?
Hello, cool and crisp.

5. Do you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?
Yes, and he was very friendly

6. What is the one color that represents this time of year?
crimson



7. Which of your senses do you think is most sensitive this time of year?
My sensuality - cool weather always gets me excited.

8. What is your favorite thing to do at the county fair?
Gag from the sour odors of spoiled food from the trash containers and manure and urine odors wafting from the livestock area.

9. What do you like when you have a cold?
To be left alone.



10. Are you willing to spend over $100 for a piece of winter clothing, like boots or a coat?
Never, I only buy on sale and when items are bargained priced.

Note:  There is no #11. What happened?

12. What do you have too much of in your kitchen?
empty chairs at an empty table (a result of empty nest syndrome and ailing relatives, not a revolution)



13. What gripes do you have about this time of year?
It's dark when I get up; otherwise it's my favorite time of year

14. Other than yourself, are you responsible for getting anyone ready in the morning?
Yes, every morning I sleep-walk down the street and put compression stockings on my mother's legs.  Then I fix their breakfast.

15. When was the last time you cleaned your gutters?
Why clean them?  I grow things there.

16. So, it’s after Labor Day. Will you still be wearing white?

I never wear white; it makes the wearer look fat.

17. What shows are you most looking forward to this Fall?

the leaf changing show, the autumn sunsets show, and the harvest moon show

18. What three things have you just not gotten around to from the summer, but probably should do before snow flies?

lie on the beach, go to a baseball game, take a vacation. Oh, heck, I've haven't done those things in 25 years so why start now?

Photo Friday - Looking for Jesus?

The sign at our local grocery store indicates he is in Aisle 5 next to the cereal, but I have yet to see him there. He must be out of stock and on back-order.

Thursday Thoughts

I have been accused by someone of being a pedant (but he is too, by the way), and I have quite often been known to complain about the practice of nouns being turned into verbs these days.  Most recently, via my daughter,  I became aware of the noun-verb tabling (sitting at a table at an exposition and handing out information).

After viewing this little video gem with the words of Stephen Fry, I renounce every criticism of grammer I have made in the past. I have, and still do, however, appreciate the beauty of words.

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

Cathy Lee Guisewite

Just another American justification for eating fat and calorie-laden monster foods:

How about a giant Big Top Cupcake?



Try this cake with a whole apple pie and a pumpki pie baked into it:

.
Here's the Cherpumple version:



And if that isn't enough, check out The Daily Beast's 40 Desserts That Can Kill You.  All available at your nearest favorite chain restaurant.



I'm back - sort of

Saturday I realized I hadn't posted on this blog for six days.  As far as I know only one reader missed me and actually seemed concerned about me.  That tells you something about my readership numbers.
Almost two full days last week were spent transporting an elderly relative to doctors for pre-operation appointments for cataract surgery.  Even though it took a great deal of time away from work, I must say the clinic was quite efficient, and there was minimal waiting in all of the many offices we needed to visit.  There were two things I was most grateful for:

 1.  The clinic has a valet parking service and it saved me at least 15 minutes of time and heaps of trouble in getting my relative out of the car, into a wheel chair, wheeling her into the lobby, going back to the car, finding a parking space, walking back to the clinic lobby and getting her to the appointment on time. The fellows working at the valet area were wonderfully kind.

 2.  Despite the mild irritation of being asked the same questions (name, birthday, address, phone number, reason we're there) at every single office, knowing full well they had all the answers right in front of them on the computer screen,  I appreciate a business where quality control is or appears to be a priority.  Every office seemed to have a verification protocol of checking, double-checking, and triple-checking.  When you see this in the pre-op stages, you perhaps can feel a bit more confident that the surgery will be performed on the correct body part on the correct person.

The surgery is this week so there will be more absences from work and this blog.

I spent my weekend hauling things out of some unheated attic areas with the intention of installing additional insulation there.  This is a 100+ year old home and these little cubby-holes were the only areas still in need of more energy efficiency.  Stored in the attics were items left from the previous owner and remainder items from construction renovations over the past 50 years.

Boxes of ceramic tiles of green, pink, gray, and white and excess vinyl floor tile were toted to the basement as was at least 50 feet of wood mouldings and a 36 inch, 8 foot tall solid wood door that must have come from some opening that has since been enclosed. Under some old yellowed newspapers, I found six stained glass windows, still in fairly good condition, that had originally been located in the windows of the main staircase landing. Hopefully I can get them reconditioned and find a place to display them. I like saving original parts of the house and construction left-overs because you never know when you might need to repair something and it is handy to have a perfect match.

I did discover a man had been living in one of the spaces for over 40 years.  At five feet tall, he was a chubby fellow despite not having food for all that time.  He had a smile on his face which lit up when I stuck his plug in.

I'm not especially fond of large yard ornaments, so Santa will be sold at a yard sale later this week, along with some large vintage Christmas lights, two 4 foot lighted Christmas candles and whole bunch of other items I have been storing for years.

Hopefully I'll be back to regular daily postings next week.

50 question meme - Part 2

From Sunday Stealing:

26. Do you like someone?

I like almost everyone, except politicians and bureaucrats.

27. The last song you listened to?



28. What time of day were you born?

I don't know, but I remember it was foggy on the drive to the hospital.

29. What’s your favorite number?

6345789



30. Where did you live in 1987?

in a house

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

Never.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

I hope not. I don't have anything they should be jealous of.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

at my office

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

I don't put money into any slot machines.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

I let others decide that about me.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

I'm not into self-mutilation.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

It wouldn't be practical, but it would be Svenske.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

I always move out of the big cozy chair so he can watch TV in comfort.

39. Are you touchy feely?

Only when I'm alone

40. What’s your life motto?

Do it now. 

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

contact lenses, hair, open mind

42. What’s your favourite town/city?

I'm a country girl.  I don't like cities.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

Dinner last night

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

Friday at the office, and for you who owe me money, you'll be receiving it tomorrow.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

Never tried, but I could probably figure out how to do it.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

He converted from Methodist to Judaism.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

Back to the 1400's, when my great-great-something-grandfather loaned Johnny Gutenberg some money for his silly invention.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

Older daughter's wedding, but I didn't wear one of those stinkin' mother-of-the-bride dresses.  It was a blue velvet off the shoulders full skirt cocktail dress that I had in my closet for 15 years.  It still had the tags on it.  I bought it at a bargain sale price of $25 and I knew I'd find an occasion to wear it someday.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

No, but it should. I climbed up and down six flights of stairs at least 25 times yesterday carrying things out of the attic and into the basement.
50. Have you been burned by love?

Yep, a hunk a hunk of burning love.

Music Monday - Jethro Tull

Is it rock?  Is it jazz?  Is it alternative?  The best rock band with flute soloist.

Another 50 question meme - Part 1

From Sunday Stealing:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

I can't get used to the shorter hair.

2. How much cash do you have on you?

none

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

 (You don't need to shout.) POOR, PORE, POUR

4. Favorite planet?

Caprica

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

"unknown"

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

vibrate

7. What shirt are you wearing?

That blue and black zebra pattern one.

8. Do you label yourself? 

Yes, I do:

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

Bare Naked Feet

10. Bright or Dark Room?

I'm old - bright for reading and dark for sleeping

11. Did you do anything to celebrate John Lennon's 70th yesterday?

ate cake and ice cream, sang Imagine, and had the press come and take pictures of me and my spouse in bed

12. What does your watch look like?

Who wears a watch?  You must be living in the past.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

OK

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

100 miles - not very convenient, is it?

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?

Kitty, kitty, kitty

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

a cat (purrrrrrrrrrrrr)

18. Last furry thing you touched?

a cat  BUT I AM NOT A CAT LADY!

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

none - legal or illegal. Honest, I'm naturally this crazy.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

You are living in the past.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

50 - the best combination of youth and experience

22. Your worst enemy?

That dang facial follicle

23. What is your current desktop picture (extra points if you post it.)?

Windows classic blue - no picture, just color. I'm boring, but consistent.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

Bye

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

Bucks. I could feed the masses.

Drinking our way to healthfulness

American really like their beverages.

Here are the top ten U.S. Supermarket Sales for the period June 2009-2010:

1. CARBONATED BEVERAGES $11,895,100,000

2. MILK $10,082,840,000

3. FRESH BREAD/ ROLLS $9,544,454,000

4. SALTY SNACKS $8,408,432,000

5. BEER/ALE/ALCOHOLIC CIDER $8,289,052,000

6. NATURAL CHEESE $7,233,494,000 

7. COLD CEREAL $6,025,857,000

8. FZ DINNERS/ENTREES $5,886,527,000 

9. WINE $5,707,296,000 3.58

10. CIGARETTES $4,810,215,000 3.76

Of course, when you're drinking, you need the other things like salty snacks, cheese, and cigarettes.

Other interesting observations:
Dog food sales are higher than vegetables and frozen pizza.
Cat food sales are higher than frozen vegetables and poultry.
Sanitary napkin sales are higher than seafood.

You can see the entire list here.
Using this information, here's a typical American daily diet:

Breakfast - cold cereal with milk, cigarette, and a soft drink
Mid-morning snack - salty snack and a soft drink
Lunch - bread and cheese, soft drink
Afternoon snack - soft drink
Dinner - frozen dinner, beer
Bedtime snack - glass of wine

Photo Friday - From the family album

My maternal grandmother with three generations of her girls:



1926, at age 24, with her first child (my mother).

1952 (at age 50) with her first grand-child (me).



At age 81, in 1983  with her great-grand-child (my oldest daughter).

 Thanks to good genes, she always looked years younger than her actual age.  No gray hair either, but that was thanks to Miss Clairol.

Thursday Thoughts

McIntosh County, Georgia is losing about 550 street signs a year. Signs for Green Acres, Boone's Farm and Mary Jane Lane are frequently stolen.  Could it be because they are also the same names for a TV show, a cheap wine, and a street drug?  I'm certain the local sheriff could get search warrants for nearby college dorm rooms and confiscate the stolen merchandise.  A local county commissioner wants to change all the places to more boring names in order to the save county money.

I've always been interested in street names.  You can often see patterns, the lack of creativity in some areas, and over-zealousness in others.  Some have interesting back-stories.

In my town, we have Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring Streets, but Summer runs east-west the full width of the east side of town and the other three go north-south for just a few blocks.  There is one area that has tree names: Pine, Oak, Spruce, and Walnut, but Elm, Cherry, and Maple are elsewhere in town.  Yes, we do have an Elm Street.

We have three streets named Park: Park Drive, Park Terrace, Park Street, which becomes very confusing for new-comers, especially since none are near a park.  Yet Railroad Avenue does run parallel to a railroad, Center is in the middle of town, and most businesses are located on Market Street.

One subdivision has streets named for the children of the developer: Lane and Dawn.  Lane is not Lane Lane, but Lane Drive. Still it is rather redundant.


My spouse often works with developers and was once offered the chance to name a street in a nearby town.  It is a short street that he ultimately named Supreme Court.


I don't know where this is, but I'm certainly glad I don't live on this street:

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom

"Divorce is a game played by lawyers. "

Cary Grant

This attorney cuts to the chase including the words hate, hell-hole, poison, boob, vermin, and piece of crap:



If you're worried about divorce attorney fees, this entrepreneur just started a company that sells divorce insurance, called Wedlcok.

"For $16 per month – or what the company (called Safeguard Guaranty Corp.) is calling a single "unit" of coverage" – you may receive for $1,250 in benefits. You can buy additional units at the same price, on up to 200 units, or $250,000 of coverage. As long as you continue paying the premiums, the company adds $250 of coverage every year.
You'll have to celebrate at least your fourth anniversary with your sweetie in order to cash in, because that's when the policies mature. If you're Elizabeth Taylor or just seriously pessimistic, you can include a rider for what's called an accelerated maturity, which reduces the period to three years months. That will hike your monthly premium to $30 per unit"

Use their handy Divorce Cost Calculator  to estimate what the cost might be for your lawyer's hand-holding.  They also have a quiz on Divorce Probability

"... but mostly it boils down to this: if you didn't finish college and got married before age 21 to someone of a different race and religion, the odds of a long and happy marriage are not in your favor."

Worried about a divorce and divorce lawyers?  Get a pre-nup agreement or just don't get married. If it's too late for that, you'd better hand over the debit card to them,  or even better yet, save some money and reconsider.

Tuesday Titillation - Sneaking Glances

All you have to do is know about body language to understand this video. You certainly don't need to speak Japanese to enjoy this TV show clip.

Who will stare the longest time at a pretty woman in a low-cut dress? Hidden camera involved. The poor guy at 7:45 probably wishes he hadn't been caught on TV.  The winning time is 33+ seconds.

Music Monday - Happy Belated Birthday, Chubby

Chubby Checker was born 10/3/1941.  Here's a good video to show you how to do The Twist if you don't know how. "Slow Twistin'" came out in 1962, two years after his original song,"The Twist."  My babysitter taught me to do The Twist and I was in heaven!  Then came the Mashed Potato, The Pony, The Monkey, The Swim, The Hitchhike, The Bird, The Duck, The Freddie, The Locomotion, The Frug, The Watusi, The Jerk and more, and more, and more...

The Time Traveler's Meme

From Sunday Stealing:

Rules:

1. Depending on your age, go back 10, 15, 20, or even more years.

2. Tell us how many years back you have traveled and why.

3. Pretend you have met yourself during that era, and tell us where you are.

4. You only have one "date" with this former self.

5. Answer these questions.

Okay, as we start, what year is it and how old are you?

1970, age 20

1. Would your younger self (YYS, from here) recognize you when you first meet?

Now



Then



Yes, despite the gray hair now and some wrinkles, I'm still recognizable.



2. Would YYS be surprised to discover what you are doing job wise?

Yes, I'm about as far away from teaching English as you can get.

3. What piece of fashion advice would you give YYS?

 Hang on to those clothes and shoes; they'll be in style again.



1970's boots ad



2010 boots



4. What do you think YYS is most going to want to know?

 What happened to John, Paul, George, and Ringo after they broke up?

5. How would you answer YYS's question?

You won't believe what all has happened to them in the past 40 years, and wait until you hear about The Rolling Stones.

6. What would probably be the best thing to tell YYS?



Life will just keep getting better every year, despite an occasional bump along the way.

 7. What is something that you probably wouldn't tell YYS?

That she, her parents, and brother will out-live her baby brother.

8. What do you think will most surprise YYS about you?



That I have children and I'm living in the town which she swore she'd never live in again.

9. What do you think will least surprise YYS?



That politicians are still sending troops to foreign countries to fight wars that last for years.

10. At this point in your life, would YYS like to run into "you" from the future?

Yes.  We are very much alike, but I just have a bit more experience and less naivete.  I'm sure she would love to read my 60 years in 60 days posts to know what her future holds.  She can't read them because I deleted them on the public blog, but I am expanding on them privately.

Oktoberfest

It's that time of year when we're all from Bavaria:

If you need some translation:

Lederhosen



(What woman doesn't like her man in leather pants?)

Dirndl



(Newer versions are getting tighter and lower at the top and shorter at the bottom.)



Bier

Wurst

(It's all about cured meats.)

And then you put them all together and have some fun until you drop.

Photo Friday

1922 Kodachrome film test. Fascinating: