Life reflected

I have a birthday later this month and I make it a time to do an annual life performance review. Most people do this New Year's Eve, but I am a bit of a contrarian, you know.

Last year, when I turned 57, I was prepared to die, but I wasn't suicidal. The last kid was out of college, employed and loving her new business enterprise. Older child was married to a great guy, both employed and very happy. Parents were in good health for their age and self-sufficient. Hubby content as always. I was semi-retired and enjoying a less complicated life.

I had traveled to most every place I truly wanted to see (except #1 daughter's new digs). I knew I'd never have time to read all the books I wanted to read - I am a realist. I had had a successful business life, a good marriage and good health, and comfortable home. I volunteered in community organizations and enjoyed a wide range of friends. I was pleased with where I was at that moment and what I had accomplished. I had few regrets.

Life was certainly good, and for a fleeting moment it crossed my mind that if I died that day, it would be OK because I was so totally satisfied with my life. I had accomplished what I wanted, I was no longer responsible for anyone, no one absolutely needed me, and everyone around me would be just fine whether I was here or not. Although I did hope they would miss me.

It was very liberating to feel that way - to truly be at peace and fully satisfied with one's life, at least for one brief moment. I imagine that those moments when everything seems to be in perfect sync are rare, but I hope that someday I will experience that feeling again. I am betting that that they occur more often as one progresses into the last third of life.