"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom" Albert Einstein

"A dame who knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up." Mae West

Sunday, November 27, 2011

On the road this week

1.  If you want to turn right from the left lane, it might be a good idea to at least use your turn signal so I can anticipate slamming on my brakes.
2.  If you're in front of me, you want to turn left, and you turn your left signal on,  please don't pass 11 intersections and travel 4 miles before you finally decide to make the turn.

3.  If you suddenly come up behind me from out of nowhere and then ride my bumper for several miles, even though there were plenty of opportunities to pass me, I don't even need to confirm that you are talking on your cell phone.

4.  If you have a cup of coffee in one hand and you're applying mascara to your eyelashes with the other hand, I hope you have auto-pilot in your car or a third arm.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Wacky Wednesday Wisdom - Happy Thanksgiving

"Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt." ~ Roseanne Barr

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Tuesday Titillation

There is always someone complaining about offensive art and because there is no uniform definition of offensive, artists are censored, museums are shut down  by city officials, and churches form picket lines.

"Do you have anything non-naked to display?"

A very clever artist found a way to publicly  present his nude photo after it had been banned.  He used a QRC.  QRCs (Quick Response Codes), in case you didn't know, are those black and white pixilated squares that are appearing on real estate signs, print advertising and almost everywhere nowadays.  Just aim your smartphone at the QRC and it takes you to the Internet where you can find more information.

In this case, the artist enlarged a QRC and hung it in the gallery.  Some people thought it was abstract art, but smart people with smart phones realized it was a QRC and were able to view his photo of a nude women lying in a stream with breast exposed.

Of course, the city powers that be eventually figured things out and are now contemplating imposing  new rules for displaying art.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Madness Meme - Part II

23. Do you ever walk around the house naked?
From the shower stall to the bath mat.

24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why?
Beaver because I'm always busy with my damn business

25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?
Any follicles left should be silver

26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf?
Deaf - I could still read lips and all the good music would still be in my head.

27. Do you have any special talents?
I can multi-multitask.

28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Put the leash on the dog and walk right back out.

29. Do you like horror or comedy?
Comedy.  There's way too much horror in the world.

30. Are you missing anyone?
I just did a headcount and they're all accounted for.

31. Where do you want to live when you are old?
Someplace with a roof over my head and toilet facilities.

32. Who is the person you can count on the most?
My friend with 11 toes

33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Albert Einstein - I'm still having problems wrapping my head around this time and warped space stuff and perhaps spending a few hours with him would make things clearer.

34. What did you dream last night?
That I was being chased by some unknown men. My legs were like dead weight and I had to grasp tall grass around me to keep pulling myself forward to get away.

35. What is your favorite sport to watch?
paint drying

36. Are you named after anyone?
I have the same last name as my father.

37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Currently it's a Metropolitan martini.

38. Non alcoholic drink?
fountain Coca-Cola with lots of carbonation - It's all about the burn.

39. Have you ever been in love?
Too many times

40. Do you sing in the shower?
I shower myself with show tunes occasionally.

41. Have you ever been arrested?
Miss Goody Two Shoes stays away from trouble when at all possible.

42. What is your favorite holiday?
4th of July - Remember freedom is a very good thing.

43. Would you ever get plastic surgery?
Only if I were disfigured or needed it to eat or breathe

44. Have you ever caught a fish?
Trout from the White River in Arkansas. First and only time I ever went fishing. Once I finally mastered casting, nothing could stop me. I caught more fish than anyone in my group. I enjoyed eating the fish more than catching them.  Trout with little butter, a few toasted almonds, a bit of lemon...mmmm!

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Power of Seduction

After reading the 23 page grand jury report of the Penn State saga, it is easy to understand the inevitable firings.  Read it for yourself and if you're not sick to your stomach before you finish reading it, there's something wrong with you.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Madness Meme

From Sunday Stealing:
1.Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
I've had my tongue on a lot of nasty things, but never a Compact Disc or Certificate of Deposit.

2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?Only 6 years younger and there was still a time reference gap

3. Ever been in a car wreck?A wheel came off a semi truck and came spinning toward my vehicle like a ball of fire.  It hit the car hood, then the passenger side of the windshield, and bounced off to the right.  No one was hurt. Thank goodness that's the only accident I've experienced.

4. Were you popular in high school?
No, popular people were cheerleaders and sports fanatics. I was, among other things, in the band, Latin Club and editor of the school newspaper so you know what I was...

5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, for a party in college. He's was drunk and I don't think he even knew I left within the first half hour.

6. Are looks important?
Only if you're giving the evil eye.

7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
Every one of them.

8. By what age would you like to be married?

9. Does the number of people a person has slept with affect your view of them?
Yes.  If their P&L statement is showing a loss, I know they need more customers, need to increase rates, or find cheaper motels.

10. Have you ever made a mistake?
Once in a while I prove to everyone I'm human.

11. Are you a good tipper?
As a former waitress I can tell you we are the best tippers.

12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
$25. Our cost of living is low here, even for a high-end stylist.

13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
No, they were way too old.

14. Have you ever peed in public?I've been known to urinate in public rest rooms.

15. What song do you want played at your funeral?Sorry, no funeral in my future.

16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
It's best not to live a lie.

17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
I answered this a couple weeks ago:  Baked peppered salmon, baked sweet potato, fresh steamed asparagus, and my homemade coconut pound cake with fresh raspberries

18. Beatles or Stones?
That one is too hard to answer.

19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
Too late. The person is already gone.

20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Rarely any.

21. Do you have any phobias?

22. What are your plans for the future?
Live like there's no tomorrow.